Bridge the communication gap with these simple strategies for getting your teen to really talk to you.
Who's at Fault?
When my 16-year-old son, Gabe, came home from school and said nonchalantly, “I quit the lacrosse team today,” I heard the words and rushed to judgment. Yes, I was thinking about how much the equipment had cost, but I was also worried about his ability to honor an important commitment. “When you join a team you’re making a promise to be there for the other guys,” I reminded him. “It’s not fair to them.” With that off my chest, I went back to scrubbing a pot -- furiously -- and waited for him to respond. No such luck. He just wheeled around and left the room as if he hadn’t heard a single word.
It turns out, however, that I was the one who had shut the door on communication, according to Martha B. Straus, PhD, author of No-Talk Therapy for Children and Adolescents (Norton). “The best thing you could have said was nothing,” she says. “But if you had to answer, you should have empathized with him by saying, ‘That must have been a tough decision to make.’”
My error was expecting my son to communicate as easily and quickly as I do. “Kids’ brains have to sort through a lot of emotional reactivity before they can respond,” says Straus. The parent’s job is to get beyond what’s happening on the surface. When you do, you are helping your child learn to negotiate and compromise not only with you, but also with himself.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Communicating with Your Teen
Choco-Pistachio Pinwheels
Choco-Pistachio Pinwheels
Makes: 40 pinwheels Prep: 20 minutes Bake: 11 to 12 minutes
1 tube (16-1/2 ounces) refrigerated sugar cookie dough
3 tablespoons instant pistachio pudding
2 tablespoon finely chopped pistachios
6 drops green food coloring
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tablespoons light-brown sugar
2. Into the remaining dough, knead in the cocoa powder and the brown sugar. Shape into a small rectangle, wrap in plastic and refrigerate 1 hour
3. Roll out the pistachio dough between 2 sheets of waxed paper to a 12 x 8-inch rectangle. Repeat with the chocolate dough.
4. Remove top sheet of waxed paper from the chocolate dough. Remove the top sheet of waxed paper from the pistachio dough and place on top of the chocolate dough. Peel off the top sheet of waxed paper. Starting with a long side, roll up doughs, jelly-roll fashion, using the bottom waxed paper as a guide and removing paper as you roll. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate for 2 hours.
6. Cut dough into 1/4-inch-thick slices. Place on ungreased baking sheets and bake at 350°F for 11 to 12 minutes.
7. Remove from baking sheets and cool completely on a wire rack.
A Dad Balances Circus and Family Life
For many parents, managing a house full of kids feels like running a three-ring circus. But for Jon Weiss, life really is a circus. Weiss is shot out of a cannon as the finale of every performance of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus. He travels in a mobile home 50 weeks out of the year with his wife, Laura (a dancer in the show), and their children, Jonny, 6, Nicole, 3, and Max, 11 months. We asked Weiss how he's able to combine his risky job and the protective role of parent.
Do your kids get nervous watching your act?
Jonny watches the show only once in a while. He gets bored and goes back to our dressing room to play. Nicole loves it; I can hear her giggling during my performance. They rarely worry, since it's just what Daddy does. Plus, I'm dressed as a clown for the show, so maybe that makes it less scary.
How do you convey the importance of safety?
We've had to teach our kids to watch out for elephants, the floats, and all the traffic backstage. They've never done anything too outrageous, though my son likes to climb on the rigging. I let him go up to a certain point, and then he has to come down. As a parent, you have to set limits.
Does your job allow you to spend a lot of time with your family?
The circus is a great place for families. Ringling has a daycare center, a nursery, and a private teacher who travels on the road. Plus, my performance doesn't take the whole day, so I can visit my wife and kids in between acts. When the children get older, I know we'll have to settle down somewhere and run away from the circus! But I love what I do and that we have so much time together. Right now, I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Take a behind-the-scenes tour of the circus at www.ringling.com. You can also find show dates in your area and buy tickets online...
The Latest News About Miscarriage
Who's at risk?
When a nine-week ultrasound revealed that she'd had a miscarriage, Lisa Pisha was desperate for answers. "I just wanted to know why I lost my baby," says Pisha, 30, of Naperville, Illinois. "Was it something I ate, or drank, or did during my pregnancy? Was it just a fluke?" But no one -- not her doctor or her friends, or even the miscarriage Web sites she studied -- could offer a definitive answer. "When I got pregnant again, I was on pins and needles for my entire first trimester," Pisha says. Fortunately, things went smoothly, and her daughter, Graham, was born last April.
Officially, about 15 percent of all known pregnancies end in a miscarriage, meaning they terminate before the 20th week. (After that, the loss is considered a stillbirth, according to the March of Dimes.) But experts say the actual number may be closer to 50 percent when it includes early miscarriages that happen before a woman even realizes she's pregnant. And virtually everyone, regardless of age, health, and previous successful pregnancies, is vulnerable. "No woman is immune," says Katherine E. Hartmann, MD, PhD, director of women's health research at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, in Nashville. Because miscarriages happen so often, most doctors don't even evaluate women until they've had at least two.
Still, women and physicians are understandably eager to learn more about what can trigger a miscarriage, and the latest research is uncovering some surprising possibilities.
10 Ways to Feel Sexy Again During (and After) Pregnancy
Rekindle your passion with these sexy strategies.
Maybe you've been so busy being pregnant or taking care of your baby that you haven't thought about sex recently. But just in case, here are some fun ideas for getting in the mood again:
1. Lock the doors. You two need time alone. No interruptions from baby or Grandma.
2. Forget about intercourse -- for now. Who needs the pressure?
3. Cuddle, kiss, make out.
4. Trade foot rubs.
5. Shower together.
6. Give (and get) a full body massage.
7. Leave a sexy love note in his pocket.
8. Meet your husband at a quiet spot for a drink -- nonalcoholic, of course, if you're pregnant or nursing.
9. Exercise. You'll feel better about yourself and get your pre-baby body back faster.
10. Take a long bath to unwind, recharge, and luxuriate. And since you're already naked...
All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.
Breast feeding problems & solution
Breastfeeding may be the most natural thing in the world -- but that doesn't mean that everyone takes to it naturally. Check out our advice on how to get nursing right -- and how to make it easier.
Leaking
Many new moms experience milk leakage at one time or another -- especially early on when milk production levels are still being established. While leaking is harmless physically, it can be kind of embarrassing. How to Avoid It: Try not to miss feedings or go longer than normal between feedings. How to Treat It: Place disposable nursing pads in the cups of your bra to absorb wetness and prevent milk from leaking through your shirt. Avoid pads with plastic liners that can trap moisture against your skin and cause sore nipples. If you feel your milk letting down in a situation where you can't nurse your baby, gently pressing your breasts to your chest wall (you can do it inconspicuously by crossing your arms and squeezing your arms against your breasts gently) will often stop the leaking.
Mother's milk is the ideal food
Nature has provided you with the perfect way to nourish your child during her first year of life: Your breast milk contains just the right blend of fat, protein, and antibodies to help your infant develop and to protect her against disease. That's why an increasing number of moms choose to nurse. In fact, 77 percent of babies are now breastfed, at least briefly, according to the latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, up from just 60 percent more than a decade ago.
Nursing is natural, but not always easy
Many new moms expect breastfeeding to be a breeze and become frustrated when they don't get the hang of it right away. You may worry that your baby's not drinking enough milk. However, you can significantly increase your milk production if you use your hands to express early milk, called colostrum, from your breasts (in addition to breastfeeding) in the first three days, according to new research from Parents advisor Jane Morton, MD, clinical professor of pediatrics at Stanford University School of Medicine. While you're still in the hospital, take advantage of the nurses and lactation consultants, who will show you how to get your baby to "latch on" to your breast, not just the nipple, and will demonstrate comfortable nursing positions.
