Dealing with Divorce

Every year, more than one million children in the United States experience the divorce of their parents, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Many of these children are under the age of 6. Divorce brings about a great deal of changes for a family and the children usually have trouble adjusting to this new lifestyle. Read on for some guidelines on making the transition easier for the youngest members of the family.

Here are some tips from the AAP and the American Medical Association (AMA) on telling your child about an impending divorce and helping ensure a smoother transition for everyone:

Have both parents present to explain the situation.

Explain divorce as a means to make Mommy and Daddy happier.

Make it clear that your child is not the source of the problem and is in no way responsible for the failure of the marriage.

Assure your child that Mommy and Daddy are both still his parents, even if they're no longer husband and wife.

Don't let any personal antagonism between you and your partner into the conversation.
Answer your child's questions honestly and age-appropriately.

Girls Growing Up Too Fast

When did 7 become the new 16? For today's young girls, the pressure to look and act hot is greater than ever. Here's help cooling things down.

The Sexy-Girl Syndrome

The job description for parent says you prep yourself for the dicey stuff kids are likely to ask for. So I was ready for the day my daughter would beg for a fashion doll of notoriously unrealistic proportions, or even for one of those skimpily dressed Bratz dolls. Instead, last fall my 7-year-old freaked me out a whole different way-by begging for a bra. "Two girls in my class have them," she argued.

Skeptical that she'd gotten her facts straight, I checked out a local children's store. Yikes! They had a whole assortment of flirty bras and panties perfectly sized for second-graders. Staring at those crazy underthings, and at the body-glitter tubes on the counter, something creepy dawned on me. Today's girls don't just want to own a hot-looking doll, they want to be one.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so shocked. After all, my daughter and her friends are more likely to worship teen heroes like Troy and Gabriella from the High School Musical movies than to expend energy adoring cuddly cartoon characters like the Care Bears. And these same kids are the ones shaking their little booties when the Pussycat Dolls come on the radio, singing, "Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Clearly, something's going on, so much so that the American Psychological Association (APA) recently convened a task force on girls' sexualization. "There's a real syndrome happening, and it's picking up speed," says Eileen L. Zurbriggen, PhD, who chaired the APA group. "Even little girls are now feeling they should look and act alluring." Her committee found that this is harmful to girls on several levels.

"The core issue is what they feel valued for," Zurbriggen explains. "It's as though factors like whether they're smart or funny or kind or talented at something like sports or art get erased." And their self-esteem suffers for it. "The images their idols present are so idealized, most girls can't attain them. That makes them feel bad about their own bodies, and this can eventually lead to anxiety and depression," Zurbriggen says. Preoccupation with their "hot-o-meter" score can even hurt their school performance. "A girl's mind becomes literally so full of worries about how she looks and what other people are thinking, she doesn't have enough energy left to focus on learning," says Zurbriggen.

How did things get that way, and what can parents do to counteract the situation? For answers, we have to look beyond the kiddie lingerie aisle.

My Life as a Teenage Mom

At 15, most girls are thinking about clothes, boys, and parties. But Jamie got pregnant -- and now she's focused on raising her son.

Not your typical teenage life.

It was Friday morning, first period, and I was in my science class, just like a typical kid in a typical high-school science room. I'm sure you can picture it -- the little plants sprouting in Styrofoam cups, the usual charts and posters on the walls, the teacher asking us if we'd done our homework. Just a normal moment in the life of a teenager.
But then the loudspeaker on the wall squawked: Jamie Rush, report to the nursery!
It was another reminder that, no, I wasn't a normal high-school kid. I was a teenage mom attending an alternative school with built-in day care. I excused myself from class and hurried to the nursery, where the attendant met me at the door. "You forgot to leave your son's diapers!" she told me, scowling. I confessed that I had left them at home and asked if I could borrow a few from someone else. She said okay, but then she shook her head at me as if to say, "Careless kids!"

Such moments -- and there were lots of them that year -- made me realize how out of place I felt in high school after my son was born. I graduated last June, thank goodness, and have been working as a clerk in a local toy store ever since. Still, I can't ignore the fact that my life is really weird compared with the lives of most kids my age.
Everything changed for me in tenth grade, the night of the school play. I was 15. This guy and I were just friends, but that night, he asked me to go for a walk with him. He grabbed my hand, and we started heading to the stadium. He kept stopping to kiss me and tell me how pretty I was. I was nervous, but I was also flattered. I had been feeling so self-conscious about my looks. (I know -- it's lame.)

Anyway, one thing led to another . . .

My mom and I are very close, so the following week, I told her about what had happened. I couldn't keep it a secret -- I was so scared I was pregnant. I just had this feeling that something was going on inside me. She said we'd just wait and see what happened.
A few weeks later, I took a home pregnancy test, and it showed a very faint pink line. I yelled for my mom, and later that day, we were at the doctor's office. The doctor did a blood test, then came back, lowered his glasses and said, "Positive," in a stern voice.

My mom and I just looked at each other -- nervous and numb. I could tell my mother was disappointed, but she wasn't mad. I think that's because she had my older brother when she was only 17, and he turned out great. Anyway, after the shock wore off, both of us felt a little nervous but excited. We never even considered an abortion; my mom and I are both pro-life. And adoption was out of the question; I couldn't imagine giving my baby away.

From the start, I wanted to be a good mom and decided to teach myself everything I could about pregnancy and child rearing. I looked at a bunch of pregnancy Websites and learned all about how babies develop. I read lots of books, took my prenatal vitamins, and went to all my checkups. I tried to eat well, although I also used being pregnant as an excuse to treat myself to lots of fast food. After all, I was eating for two!

My pregnancy was considered high risk because I was only 15, but it turned out to be pretty easy. Except for the birth part. Whoa! That really hurt! After 19 hours of labor, though, Tyler Dominic Rush was finally born. He had a full head of black hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He was beautiful, healthy, and he was mine.

I couldn't wait to leave the hospital, but the second we got home, I froze. It was like, "Oh, no! I have a baby! What do I do now?" I never felt more like a little kid. With lots of help from my mom, though, I gradually figured out how to hold him, feed him, and bathe him. We set up a beautiful bedroom for him -- decorated with a Winnie-the-Pooh theme -- but he slept with me every night for the first five months.

My relationship with the father pretty much ended when I told him I was going to have the baby. He never really came around to the idea of being a dad. He's stayed out of the picture, and since we aren't really on good terms, I think it's best that way. I don't know what will happen in the future. Right now, I don't want to think about it.

With lots of understanding and support. - THANKS TO MY PARENTS

My parents have been great. I help pay for some of Tyler's stuff, but basically, they're supporting both of us. My mom babysits when I'm at work. She's terrific with him, almost too good. Some nights, I'll put him down, and he'll fuss nonstop. I'll try so hard to get him to stop crying -- and then Mom comes along and quiets him down in half a second. I have to admit it: That makes me feel bad. The whole situation has been harder for my dad. He wasn't planning on living with a baby again, and he gets annoyed sometimes. But he's really wonderful about everything and completely supportive in every way.

I don't have much of a social life. I can't relate to my old friends anymore: the things they talk about, the clothes they wear, the parties. I still have my Eminem posters in my room, but instead of staying up late listening to music or talking on the phone, I go to bed at 8:30 so I can get up at 6 a.m. with Tyler.

I plan to go back to school and will probably take some classes at the community college someday. But right now, Tyler is my life. I'm crazy about him. At 15 months, he's starting to talk, and he knows so many words. He says "Mama," "Mamaw" (that's what he calls my mom), "bye-bye," "hi," and "no-Ty" (for "no, Tyler" when he does something wrong).
He can wave bye-bye, clap his hands, and point at what he wants. He's starting to pick out his clothes by opening the drawer and pulling out a shirt. He knows how to Velcro his shoes too! I'm just so proud of him. I love buying him stuff: I get a 25 percent discount from the toy store I work in. Woo hoo!

Tyler's a good little boy most of the time, but like any toddler, he has his moments. When he cries in public, I really cringe, because I feel under a lot of pressure to be a perfect mom. If he acts up, or if he falls over and bumps his head, I always think people are looking at me as if to say, "It's because you're a teenager."

In truth, though, I think I'm a great mom, and I know that my son is crazy about me. I definitely don't want to promote teen pregnancy; believe me, it's not easy at all. But I truly believe that having Tyler has made me into a better person. And I'd like the world to know that teenage moms can be every bit as caring, loving, and perfect or imperfect as any other mother. We're parents too, and we're just like other parents -- only a little bit younger and with a little bit more to learn.

Life when Dads Away

You're Not Alone

After my second child was born, I faced a particularly tough year. As the wife of a traveling musician, I was used to being married but living like a single, working mother. I managed with one kid, but two made everything even tougher. When my husband, Danny, signed on to tour with an artist for a nine-month period and possibly beyond, I wasn't sure I could cope.
But musicians' wives aren't the only women in this predicament. There are legions of careers that require extensive travel, from sales jobs to the military. Then there are jobs that just require long hours -- doctors' wives and lawyers' wives aren't strangers to doing dinner and bedtime on their own. How, I wondered, do all these women do it?

I found my own way by adjusting my attitude. It sounds corny, but after I fully bought into the idea of myself as Danny's partner, I felt like a part of his decision and his plan. I approached the day-to-day operation of the household in a way that kept me sane and focused. I would not play martyr. I didn't have time! I got help where I needed it, enjoyed the moments I could, and moved forward -- even happily.

Part of not sitting around feeling sorry for myself was recognizing that Danny would be stressed too. Quiet hotels and restaurant meals seem glamorous to a mother stuck at home doing laundry and dishes, but life on the road gets old fast, and Danny missed our kids terribly. I wanted us both to get through his absence without resentment. Luckily, I found other women in the same boat who had some good advice. Here are three of them, all in situations similar to mine, who can share both their challenges and their survival strategies for keeping it all going.

10 Ways to Get Instant Energy for New Mom

1. Laugh Out Loud

Every time you giggle, chortle, or chuckle, your brain releases endorphins.
"These feel-good chemicals flood your brain -- helping you feel awake and refreshed," says Michael Miller, M.D., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center, in Baltimore. "They also boost your immune system, ward off heart disease, and actually reduce your risk of depression." Need a quick laugh? Check out the hilarious (and totally fake) news stories at www.theonion.com, or sign up at www.thedailydose.com to get a G-rated joke e-mailed to you each day.

2. Bust a Move

Exercise helps increase your circulation, relieves muscle tension (which can wear you down physically), and causes your brain to release endorphins. That's not all -- it also helps you take in more oxygen and fires up your metabolism. While you should aim for a 30-minute workout several days a week, try for five or ten minutes anytime you need energy. Here are seven quick pick-me-ups.

1. March in place
2. Jump rope
3. Power walk
4. Climb stairs
5. Run around the yard with your kids
6. Do lunges and squats
7. Dance with your baby in your arms

3. Use a Little Pressure

"Massage stimulates your nerve endings, which increases blood flow and gets your circulation pumping," explains Maureen Moon, past president of the American Massage Therapy Association. Try any of these easy, do-it-yourself moves.1. Using your fingertips, rub your scalp or temples in a gentle, circular motion for two minutes.2. Vigorously rub each earlobe between your thumb and forefinger for one minute.3. Place your forefingers behind your ears (where the base of your skull meets the top of your neck), press for ten seconds, release, and repeat.

4. Sniff Stuff

Feeling sluggish?
Get a whiff of this: Certain scents may increase your attention span and help you focus. To recharge fast, inhale deeply as you cut into or squeeze a lemon, lime, orange, or grapefruit. If you're in the mood for something more exotic, try breaking off a fresh leaf of mint or rosemary, or sipping a cup of peppermint tea -- these aromas can also invigorate the senses.

5. Drink UpSurprise --

the most common reason people feel tired is because they're dehydrated. Why? The less water there is in your system, the less oxygen is circulating in your bloodstream. The cure: Drink eight glasses of water throughout the day -- or chug a glass of the refreshing stuff whenever your energy lags.

6. Try Tai Chi

This ancient art form is a great way to clear your mind, rev up your circulation, and calm your spirit. Susan Gold, a practitioner at Wholistic Health & Healing, in Bonita, California, recommends this super-easy move called "The Beginning."Standing with your feet shoulder-width apart, back straight, and eyes gazing forward, rest your arms at your sides. Keeping relaxed -- and breathing normally throughout -- slowly raise your arms out in front of you, letting your wrists and fingers hang limply. As your wrists reach shoulder height, slowly extend your fingers as you bend your elbows and draw your arms back towards your body, with wrists at shoulder height. Lower your arms until they again rest comfortably at your sides. Repeat five times.


7. Snack Smart

Noshing on a healthy mix of carbohydrates and protein can provide a prolonged boost to your blood-sugar level, giving you energy for hours. Here, Connie Diekman, R.D., director of nutrition at Washington University, in St. Louis, suggests snacks to pep you up.1. Half a bagel with peanut butter2. One cup of whole-grain cereal with skim milk and fresh fruit3. Half a cup of trail mix containing nuts and dried fruit

8. Turn on the Tunes

One of the easiest ways to bust out of a slump is to listen to music you like. The beat and rhythm of the song stimulates your brain, making you feel more alert. Suzanne Hanser, Ed.D., chair of the music-therapy department at Berklee College of Music, in Boston, suggests picking tunes that start off slow and gradually build in tempo. A bonus: Bouncing to the beat -- even if it's just tapping your toes -- revs up your circulation.

9. Stand Tall

For an energy boost that takes no time at all, make your posture perfect. "When you slouch over, your ribs compress, making it harder for your lungs to expand and reducing the amount of oxygen flowing to your brain," explains Patrice Winter, a physical therapist in Fairfax, Virginia. "This lack of air can actually cause you to move more slowly."

10. Strike a Pose

A yoga pose, that is. Judy Fuhrer, a yoga instructor at Dance Emotions Studio, in Chappaqua, New York, suggests two simple positions that'll improve your circulation and relieve tension.
Eagle Arms. While you're sitting or standing, cross your arms in front of you so that your left elbow is resting in the crook of your right elbow. As you bend your elbows, your hands should be back-to-back and resting in front of your face. Now rotate your hands so that your palms are facing each other. Hold for two or three deep breaths and release. Repeat with your right arm above your left.
Leg Stretch. Lie flat on your back with your butt and legs straight up against a wall. Take several deep breaths. Now create a diamond with your legs by turning your ankles and knees out and sliding your feet halfway down the wall. Making sure the soles of your feet are touching, take several more breaths.

Beware of These Energy Zappers!

SUGAR Sweets give an immediate surge in blood sugar -- and a temporary burst of energy. But soon after, blood-sugar levels plummet, leaving you tired and cranky.

OVER-THE-COUNTER MEDS Certain drugs can make you feel as if you're asleep standing up. If one product in particular seems to wear you out, talk with your pharmacist about a drowse-free alternative.

ALCOHOL Not only does booze act as a sedative, it also dehydrates you and makes it harder to fall -- and stay -- asleep.

BEING INSIDE It's true! Staying indoors can sap your energy and your spirit. Half an hour of exposure to natural sunlight each day charges your brain's production of the mood-boosting chemical serotonin.

How Moms Can Live Healthy Lives

Feeling lousy? So are lots of moms. Here's why -- and what you can do to live a healthy life. Well-Mommy Visits?

I'm a 37-year-old mother of three who practices yoga several times a week. Overall, I considered myself in good health until I had my first physical in five long years. The news wasn't good. Low blood sugar. High cholesterol. Looking back, it shouldn't have surprised me. The fact is, I spend lots of time in the doctor's office for my kids' various issues, but when it comes to my own health, well, that's another story.
Think about it: When you're pregnant, you make sure you and baby-to-be are well, you deliver, return for a postpartum checkup, and then immerse yourself in mothering. There are no well-mommy visits, but perhaps there should be. Physically, new mothers in particular are vulnerable to all types of illnesses.

And all the emotional stresses of being the primary caregiver of a new little life doesn't make things any easier. If you're one of the many new moms whose health is the last thing on her to-do list, read on to find out why you should make it a priority now.

How Happy Are Your Kids?

Tweens and teens are overstretched and stressed. We polled nearly 2,500 tweens, teens, and moms about their coping methods.

Kids and Stress

Kids today are being bombarded with high-stakes school testing, after-school activities and jobs, parental demands for high grades and higher cooperation. And they're hyperstimulated by over-the-top technology and media access. It's a wonder they have time to breathe.
And parents? "Everyone is more stressed," says Edward M. Hallowell, MD, author of CrazyBusy (Ballantine Books). "Everything -- from world events to feeling on-call 24-7 -- eats away at our time, freedom, and energy."

There's not a lot you can do about world events. Or even the technology revolution. But you do have power over what goes on in your home. To help you keep your family strong and safe, Family Circle asked Harris Interactive to survey tweens (9 to 12), teens (13 to 17), and moms with kids those ages. We asked about everything from overall happiness to Internet use to what, exactly, they worry about. Here's what we found, along with smart advice so you can put the facts to use right now.